There are no straight answers to the question "Do marriages last if they start on a basis of non-commitment?".

It depends on the context. Every situation is unique. Some couples marry and continue to have very enriching and meaningful life, while others fall out even before stepping into marriage.

I have also known of couples who break up after only being married a few months. Moreover, in some cultures it appears to be a way of life to co-habitate before marriage. So to fully appreciate this complex issue, you may have to ask if "co-habitation has become a rite of passage for the young couples in Singapore?".

From my experience, most couples say that they co-habitate as they feel they are not ready for marriage. So they take it as an interim arrangement to be together to enjoy each other's company. So, the one outcome of this arrangement is that they get to know each other much better than during the courting stage. All the idiosyncrasies that are not visible during courtship shows up once you move in together.

But there is a flip side to this: co-habitation does not guarantee that both partners will fully understand each other and that there would be no conflicts. Couples must understand that the expectations they have of each other during the period of co-habitation is different from what they might have when they do get married. So not all couples who have lived together transit into happily married couples.

Couples should understand that like any relationship there will have to be spaces between them where there can be time for themselves, to ensure their personal growth and development.

Recognising this need in their partner, they must also continue to make provisions for their partner to grow and change with time. This calls for constant adjustment. Moreover, it may not show up during the relatively short period of co-habitation compared with the far longer period of marriage.

Couples who co-habitate need to know that the fundamental binding force for any relationships is commitment. It can be weak in such relationships. As a result, they are more reasons for co-habitating couples to feel insecure and thus, more reasons for conflicts to arise. Commitment is what distinguishes a married couple from one where both are merely living together. In most wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom still continue to take a vow equivalent to "Till death do us part." Hence, if long term commitment, which is a pillar of any relationship, is missing can we say that it is a stable relationship? Inherently, there is going to be some insecurity in the relationship for the couple to grabble with. Marriages involves the coming together of two families. Some couples fear meeting the expectations and responsibilities that come with marriage. For couples considering co-habitating, my advice is: , " Think twice as the expectations and pressure from your loved ones and those around you for you to get married are much higher than when you are courting. Do you really need this pressure when you are not sure about your commitment in the first place?" What are the other options to co-habitating?

Generally, any activity that encourages couples to spend time together and talk openly with each other is just as good as co-habitating. These could include going away on holidays, eating together, shopping together and taking quiet walks together. During this period, they could also attend talks, seminars, workshops and retreats for couples on self-development and skills needed for maintaining good, long term relationships.

The rule of thumb in any relationship is you can do anything together as long as both parties are happy with it. On the issue of co-habitation, it is necessary that both parties are clear about the reasons and are prepared to face any outcomes resulting from it.